


the truth can't hurt us now

by ontilmorning



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 3+1, Implied/Referenced Torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-01
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 01:39:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,918
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3272018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ontilmorning/pseuds/ontilmorning
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"She’s drowning in her own guilt and she thinks that staying out of your way is like throwing you a lifeline. Maybe it’s messed up, but you’re not the only one who got hurt."</p><p>{or: Bellamy and Clarke are hurting and Raven sees all}</p>
            </blockquote>





	the truth can't hurt us now

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm not really sure what this is. It started as a 3 + 1 but kind of turned into something else Also this is un-beta'd and I probably didn't catch all the mistakes so sorry in advance.
> 
> Title from "The Words" by Christina Perri.

**_i._ **

By the time Raven arrives the battle is over and they are pulling the last of the Sky People and Grounders out of the gaping hole in the side of Mount Weather. Raven can’t help but feel a little smug when she sees that hole because she did that. She had wanted to put up a fight when they left her at the makeshift camp that had become the home of the war effort in the last month, but instead she had directed all her energy toward making sure that Mount Weather couldn’t hurt her friends again. And now she has a massive gash in the side of the mountain to her name, and she _likes_ it. 

She likes it, but not as much as she likes seeing Octavia sprint across the clearing toward a slumped figure emerging from the rubble within.

“ _Bellamy!_ ” Octavia’s voice is high and kind of squeaky but Raven can’t fault her for it because it might just be the sweetest sound she’s ever heard. She can’t stop her lips from twitching into a smile as Octavia crashes into her brother, arms around him like a vice and face buried into his neck. Bellamy stumbles a little and Octavia pulls back slightly, hands ghosting over him as if to check that he’s real, that he’s there, that he’s _alive_. 

They share a hushed conversation, one that Raven cannot hear but can guess the content of, if alarmed expression on Bellamy’s face is anything to go by.

“You did good here, Reyes.” She hadn’t even noticed Wick beside her, and when she looks at him he’s smiling at her, with a hint of what she thinks might be pride in his eyes. She turns back to the Blakes because she cannot deal with that now, not when Finn’s ghost still haunts her sometimes and their friends are only now coming home. Maybe in time, but not right now, so she doesn’t look at him as she speaks.

“I know,” she says, because it’s true, but she adds, “Could’ve been better, though.” That’s true too. The second bomb had gotten buried under an avalanche of sorts, from the first bomb, and hadn’t had nearly the impact it should have. Of course, as much as she likes building things that go boom, Raven really hopes they won’t have an occasion to try and rectify that particular slip-up, because war is exhausting and she just really wants her friends back.

Wick chuckles a little. Raven thinks he’s about to say something else but Sinclair calls for him, so all she hears is the tail of his words as he turns away, something about mechanics and their arrogance. She knows he doesn’t mean it, though, when he tosses a grin back her way as he heads across the clearing.

His vacated spot is filled by Octavia almost immediately, with Bellamy not far behind. Up close, he looks even worse, all sunken cheeks and splotchy bruises and rough scars. He’s leaning pretty heavily on Octavia, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She looks happier than she did that morning, but Raven can see the worry in her eyes, still, and knows the answer to the question she hasn’t even asked.

“They haven’t found her,” Octavia says, and Raven nods because she had guessed that, both from the stricken look on Bellamy’s face and the way Abby had practically sprinted into the mountain after a brief discussion with the first of the rescue party to return. And although she’s still angry at Clarke, although a part of her will probably always resent her a little bit, Raven still feels like her breath is caught in her throat, not realizing until the words leave Octavia’s mouth how much she was relying on a different answer.

“She’s strong,” Raven says quietly, although she doesn’t know if she’s trying to convince the Blakes or herself. Maybe both. Octavia nods, but the fear doesn’t leave her eyes. Raven spares a thought for how messed up it is that she’s almost used to the fear in Octavia’s eyes, the fear that hasn’t really left since it replaced the hatred that was there for that first, awful week. Fear for Bellamy, for Lincoln. For Clarke. 

Someone calls her name across the clearing, and she looks up to see Wick waving her over toward the hastily-built communication station near the opening in the mountain. Bellamy still hasn’t said a word to her, though he looks so beaten and bruised and shocked that she isn’t really surprised. Still, she settles her hand on his shoulder briefly as she turns to leave.

“It’s good to have you back, Blake,” Raven says, because what else is there to say? She _is_ glad to have him back, even if she wishes the circumstances were better. He jerks his head a little in her direction, which she takes to be an attempt at a nod as she walks away, only to be stopped by a shout from the base of the mountain.

Although her face is bruised and bloody, it is unmistakably Clarke Griffin who half-stumbles, half-falls out of the dark gash in the mountain, hanging from the arms of her mother.  
Raven turns her head back to look at the Blakes in time to see Bellamy’s face practically light up in relief and Octavia’s shoulders relax a little as some of the tension they had all been carrying for the last few weeks disappears. 

Clarke is quickly conveyed to the makeshift medical tent, and Raven waits until both she and Abby have disappeared inside before she starts moving again, her steps a little lighter this time. As much as she wants talk to Clarke, as much as she wants to berate her for being so _stupid_ , Raven knows that Abby will not be letting anyone near her daughter for at least a few hours. 

“Looks like they found her,” Wick says as she arrives, and Raven just smiles in response, because the 47 are safe, and Bellamy is safe, and Clarke is safe, and she just can’t help herself.

(He chuckles and mutters some stupid comment about hardly seeing her smile so she rolls her eyes and punches him in the arm because really – he called her over here for a reason and that reason was not to discuss Clarke Griffin, so. Engineers, honestly.)

**_ii._ **

It takes a week for them to leave for Camp Jaha. The Grounders insist on a complete search of Mount Weather, both to find any remaining prisoners and to dig out any useful supplies, but Raven doesn’t mind; she isn’t really looking forward to that trek back anyway, not with her leg the way it is. Wick’s brace helps, but Raven knows that there’s a limit to what he can do to improve it, despite his promises. 

So they stay for a week, there in the shadow of a defeated mountain fortress, one that looks almost deflated now that its strength is all but gone. They stay for a week, and Bellamy doesn’t go to see Clarke once. Raven knows this because Abby tells her, in hushed voices outside the med tent the day before they leave.

“He hasn’t been here,” she says, and Raven doesn’t need to ask who she’s talking about, not when Abby’s concerned-parent words are betrayed by the relief in her eyes. Raven knows that she doesn’t like Bellamy, knows that the majority of the adults don’t like Bellamy, so she lets a little defensiveness into her tone when she responds.

“He’s been through a lot,” she says, and Abby recoils slightly at the tone of Raven’s voice and narrows her eyes a bit, and Raven knows Abby well enough to recognize her fighting stance.

“So has Clarke. She has three broken ribs, I don’t even know how many bruises and scars, and she’s lost a lot of blood. And that’s not counting the psychological damage that’s been done.” Abby’s voice breaks at that before she continues. “And for what? For _him_. She hasn’t said anything but I know he was the reason she left, and maybe if he came to see her-“

“I’m not going to force him to come, Abby, and neither should you.” Raven’s voice is steady, but there’s a hint of fire behind it that she knows Abby hears. “He’ll come when he’s ready, and that has to be good enough.” 

With that, she brushes past her into the tent. Clarke looks up slightly when she enters, but soon goes back to staring at her hands. The bruises are lessening and the scars are no longer an angry red, but she still has that lost, haunted look that she had when they found her, so Raven’s voice is soft when she speaks.

“How are you?” The words are barely out of her mouth and Raven wants to take them back, because surely there are a million better things to say than that, but Clarke doesn’t look bothered by them. She doesn’t reply, just blinks slowly at Raven and shrugs her shoulders a bit while continuing to twist her hands together.

Although Raven wants to press, wants to beg Clarke to say something, _anything_ , she doesn’t, because a slight lift of the shoulders is enough for now. It has to be, because at least it’s better than the blank stare that she got the first time she visited. She reaches out her hands to still Clarke’s, and Clarke doesn’t flinch, so Raven takes that as a win and they sit like that for who knows how long before Abby slips into the tent again and begins to bustle around, a not so subtle hint to Raven that it’s time for her to leave. She squeezes Clarke’s hand a little before she goes and thinks she sees Clarke’s lips twitch a bit at that, but maybe it’s just Raven’s imagination.

She wanders around their temporary camp for a while before she finds Bellamy, sitting with his back against a tree on the edge of the clearing. And Raven knows what she told Abby, but she also knows that Bellamy is stubborn and sometimes needs a little push in the right direction, so she takes a seat next to him. They don’t speak for a while, which is fine, really. Raven knows that while Bellamy’s body is healing his mind is still broken, so she lets him be the one to break the silence.

“A month?” His voice is quiet, but Raven hears the pleading note in it, the one that begs her to tell him something different, to tell him that he hadn’t spent a full month locked up in that mountain being tortured.

“A month,” she repeats, because there is no denying the truth. He doesn’t really look upset at that, so Raven figures it’s safe to continue. “She left about a week after you did,” she starts, and when Bellamy doesn’t ask who _she_ is Raven continues. “We woke up one morning and she wasn’t there, just a note for Octavia saying she was sorry and that she had to do this. No mention of where she was going, but I think everyone knew.” Bellamy nods and swallows a bit before speaking.

“Why?” He doesn’t look at her when he asks it, so Raven steals quick glances at him out of the corner of her eye. When he doesn’t say anything else, she hesitates a bit, because surely he knows the answer to that question. 

“For you,” she says finally, because Raven is nothing if not honest and because Bellamy needs to hear it. Nothing more, nothing less, because it’s the truth and she isn’t going to deny it. Bellamy nods again, like he was expecting that, but doesn’t respond.

They sit in silence for a while before Raven stands awkwardly, touching his shoulder before she leaves. She figure she should probably get back anyway, to make sure Wick’s getting a long okay with deciphering Mount Weather communications system and all, and because Bellamy has a faraway look on his face that makes Raven think he wants to be alone.

(Wick is actually doing just fine when she shows up and looks almost offended that she would think otherwise, but she just rolls her eyes a little and turns her head to hide the smile that she can’t stop from forming.)

**_iii._ **

They’ve been back at Camp Jaha for almost two weeks when it happens. Raven and Wick have just finished a walk around the perimeter to check their new electricity system (borrowed from Mount Weather, of course) when Octavia comes to find them, rushing around the corner of med bay and nearly bowling them over. The three of them dance around each other for a few seconds before Wick seems to realize what’s going on. He touches Raven’s arm lightly as he leaves, murmuring something about being in communications when she’s done, and then it’s just Raven and Octavia, staring at each other.

They’ve never been close, exactly, but they have a bond of sorts, forged in the fire of the war on Mount Weather, so Raven isn’t surprised that Octavia came to her first. 

“I couldn’t stay,” Octavia says simply, and Raven just nods because she’s seen Bellamy and Clarke fight often enough to know that there are times when it isn’t a spectator sport, and that this is one of them. “I didn’t want to leave, but I – I couldn’t stay. He was screaming at her and she was just _taking_ it, Raven, and I just couldn’t stay.” There are tears in Octavia’s eyes, and she looks almost helpless, something that makes Raven uncomfortable because Octavia is _strong_. She’s a warrior, a second, basically a Grounder herself. But, Raven reminds herself, Octavia is also a sister, a friend.

So, Raven pulls her into a hug, which is a little bit awkward, honestly, but it probably does both of them a world of good. Octavia seems calmer, at least, when they pull apart, a little stronger, not as helpless.

“Where are they?” Raven asks, because _of course_ Clarke is going to need someone there to pick up the pieces, and _of course_ Bellamy is going to need someone to talk him down from his anger. Octavia leads her through the camp, to Clarke’s tent. It’s quiet inside, and Raven and Octavia share a wary glance before pushing the flaps aside to find Clarke curled on the ground with her arms around her legs and her face pressed into her knees. She’s shaking slightly, and when Octavia kneels down to touch her shoulder, Clarke flinches before looking up at them with sad eyes.

“He’s right,” she says softly, and Raven can see the tear tracks on her face. “He’s right. It _is_ my fault, all of it.” She shakes her head slightly, more to herself than to Raven and Octavia. “He hates me.” Octavia flinches at that, and Raven wonders for a moment if Octavia is going to scream at her, but she doesn’t.

“He doesn’t hate you, Clarke. I know,” she says when Clarke continues to shake her head. “I _know_ he doesn’t hate you. He’s angry with you, sure, but he doesn’t hate you, okay?” Octavia’s voice is steady and firm, as if she’s trying to get Clarke to understand by force of will alone.

“He should,” Clarke mumbles, but with less conviction than before. “I deserve it, after everything.” And that’s when Raven knows she has to step in.

“Hey,” she says forcefully, and Clarke flinches at the strength of her voice. “No one is going to hate anyone else, okay? He’s hurt, and angry, just like the rest of us, Clarke. We’ve all been through hell and back with each other – _for_ each other – and we’ve all got lots of stuff to work through but we will work through it because that’s who we are. We’re survivors and fighters and all the awful stuff we’ve done and experienced won’t change that, not even for you.” Clarke is looking at her with wide eyes and Raven hopes that she’s gotten through to her because this self-hating martyr stuff has to _stop_. 

After a beat Clarke nods, and Raven squeezes her shoulder and leaves her in Octavia’s capable hands while she exits the tent and tries to think where Bellamy might be, because he’s her friend too and she’ll be damned if she makes him stew in his own anger for longer than he has to.

Eventually she finds him near the edge of camp, his back against one wall of the Ark, facing the fence that hums quietly with electricity. His arms rest on his knees and his hands are clenched tight into fists, and even in the shadow of the Ark Raven can see the hard lines of his face, still scrunched up in anger.

“Pretty low blow, don’t you think, Blake?” She doesn’t beat around bush and she doesn’t hold back, because honesty is her specialty and Bellamy really needs someone to be blunt with him. “Leaving the poor girl crying in her tent just to come out here to sit in your own misery? Pretty stupid if you ask me.” Bellamy doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even look at her.

“She sent me there, Raven. Then she ran after me but I’m back now and all she does is avoid me.” His voice is low and it cracks a little near the end. Raven blows out a breath sharply and fights the urge to take him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him, because _really_. Instead, she sits next to him.

“She’s avoiding you because she blames herself, Bellamy, and I think you know that. She’s drowning in her own guilt and she thinks that staying out of your way is like throwing you a lifeline. Maybe it’s messed up, but you’re not the only one who got hurt, Blake.” 

His shoulders have slumped a little and he looks so dejected and broken that Raven softens just a little. 

“Look, Bellamy. You’re big enough to make your own choices. Yeah, she shouldn’t have told you to go, and she shouldn’t have told you that it was worth risking your life, but she knows that, and blaming someone who already blames themselves isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.”

Raven wants to say more, because there’s so much more that needs to be said, but also there isn’t. She could go on and on about how scared Clarke is, about how terrifying it is for her that anyone could be as devoted as he is that he would do _anything_ for her if she asked. She could talk about how Clarke still hasn’t gotten over Finn, how she even blames herself for _that_ because Finn killed those people to find her. Raven could say so much more, but she doesn’t. Bellamy leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes, and Raven watches the anger seep out of him and knows that he understands.

They sit there for a while before Bellamy pushes himself to his feet and mumbles something about guard duty before he’s gone. Raven knows that’s not true – he hasn’t been put back on rotation yet because Abby hasn’t cleared him to carry a gun – but she lets him go.

(Wick finds her there a little later. She tries not to think about the way his hand feels in hers when he helps her up, or the way he looks at her as they walk back to communications, like he’s worried about her. She tries, but she doesn’t do a very good job.)

 

**_iv._ **

It’s not even a week later that Raven sees Bellamy approach Clarke hesitantly as they sit around the fire in the gathering darkness. His hand is gentle where it brushes Clarke’s shoulder, and even from her position halfway around the circle, Raven can see the guarded look in Clarke’s eyes when she looks up. Bellamy says something to her, quietly enough that Raven can’t hear, but it puts a soft smile on Clarke’s face so Raven thinks it must be a good thing. 

She’s just tipping back the last of her drink – Monty was trying a new recipe – when Octavia takes the seat next to her. 

“Do you see that?” She asks, and Raven almost chokes on her drink at the glee in Octavia’s voice as she looks at her brother and Clarke. “Our fearless leaders finally got over themselves, I guess.”

“They need each other, you know?” The words feel awkward in Raven’s mouth, because who is she to tell _Octavia_ of all people how Bellamy feels, but they’re out there, and Octavia doesn’t really seem bothered by them. “I think they’re the only ones who could put up with each other the way they do, anyway,” she adds, almost as an afterthought, and Octavia snorts.

“You can say that again. I have no idea what she sees in him.” She pauses, looking thoughtfully at her brother. “Actually, I do. There’s no one more loyal to the people he cares about than Bellamy, and he’d do anything for her.” She sounds almost bitter, but Raven doesn’t really blame her, thinking of Gustus and Finn.

“Maybe,” she says, “but I think that’s why she shut him out in the first place. It’s got to be kind of scary, having someone love you like that.” Raven looks at Octavia as she says it, but if the word bothers her she doesn’t show it.

“Not with Lincoln,” Octavia says softly, and Raven nods because that’s probably true. Nothing about those two has ever been totally normal, anyway, not really. They sit in silence for a while before Octavia adds, “Not with Wick, either, I’d bet.” Raven scoffs, but Octavia just looks at her with knowing eyes and a smug smile. “Oh please, Raven, I’m not blind, and neither are you.” She nods her head across the circle, where Wick is getting a glass of moonshine from Monty.

Raven rolls her eyes but gets up anyway, because she could use a refill, anyway. She tells herself that’s the only reason she comes to stand next to Wick, giving her glass to Monty while studiously avoiding the eyes of the man on her left.

“Fancy seeing you here, Reyes,” he says, and Raven doesn’t need to look at him to know that he’s smirking at her. She takes her drink from Monty and makes to go back to sit with Octavia, but Wick’s hand is on her arm and she stops. When she looks up at him, he jerks his head a little in the direction of two empty seats.

“Sit with me?” It’s a question but not really, so Raven doesn’t bother to respond, just changes direction to walk next to him. They sit down and an awkward silence stretching between them, so Raven drinks her moonshine for something to do.

“Looks like you don’t need to worry about those two, anymore” he says, and Raven follows his gaze to see Bellamy and Clarke, hands clasped together, on the other side of the fire, and she thinks that maybe everything really will be okay, after all.

(Wick kisses her that night, after they’ve both had several refills of Monty’s moonshine. He kisses her and she kisses back and doesn’t push him away. She tries to tell herself that it was the alcohol talking, but he kisses her again the next morning and it’s even better, so.)

**Author's Note:**

> Basically, I just need Bellamy and Clarke to be okay. also I've had the "Clarke goes to mount weather after Bellamy and then avoids him when they get back because she's guilty" plot bunny rolling around in my head for a while now, so.


End file.
